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Where does the priority of blood family fit into a believer’s life?
Before I begin, I want to say that nowhere in this study is given a permission to abdicate familial responsibilities. I am seeking what God has to say about family, and passing along that knowledge. You may, after reading this, have a lot of questions. I hope so. It is God Himself, via the spirit of His Son Jesus Christ within you, who will need to bring what He wants to teach you into proper context and understanding.
Ephesians 6:1-4 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with you, and you may live long on the earth. And you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath; but bring them up in the nurture (training) and admonition (instruction) of the Lord.
The correct relationship of child to parent and parent to child is found in the Lord and of the Lord. In the Pauline epistles, which are specifically addressed to us today, there seems to be no Godly familial relationship outside of Christ.
There are no verses written to us today, that I can find, that indicate that putting family first in one’s life, in and of itself, is a Godly principle or practice.
Since little or nothing is said regarding familial priority in that portion of the Bible specifically addressed to us today, then there has been little or no change from the previous epoch, or administration, of God. Let’s take a look at what the Son of God, who revealed the true God, had to say, if anything. It turns out he had a lot to say!
What did the Son of God think of his own blood family during the time of his ministry on earth?
Mark 3:31-35 There came then his brothers and his mother, and standing without, sent unto him, calling him. And the multitude sat about him, and they said unto him, Behold, your mother and your brothers outside seek for you. And he responded to them, saying, Who is my mother, or my brothers? And he looked round about on them who sat about him, and said, Behold my mother and my brothers! For whosoever shall do the will of God, the same is my brother, and my sister, and mother.
Yet while Jesus was on the cross, he very thoughtfully saw to the well being of Mary, his mother.
John 19:25-27 Now there stood by the cross of Jesus his mother, and his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Cleophas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus therefore saw his mother, and the disciple standing by, whom he loved, he said unto his mother, Woman, behold your son! Then said he to the disciple, Behold your mother! And from that hour that disciple took her unto his own home.
Jesus had some interesting things to say regarding the priority of family. Please read the entire context of each section of Scripture I quote. Context is always important. You’ll see in this next section that Jesus is speaking of a time in the future, which time is laid out in the book of Revelation.
Matthew 10:21, 22 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child; and the children shall rise up against parents, and cause them to be put to death. And you shall be hated of all for my name’s sake; but he that endures to the end shall be saved.
And in the context of this terrible time, when those who believe will be put to death, sometimes betrayed by their very family members, Jesus continues, regarding family:
Matthew 10:34-39 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth; I came not to send peace, but a sword. For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household. He that loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and he that loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And he that takes not his cross, and follows after me, is not worthy of me. He that finds his life shall lose it; and he that loses his life for my sake shall find it.
These are powerful words spoken to a people (the Jews) to whom family was even more important than it is to us today in the western world. Blood, and bloodlines, were of utmost importance to Israel. You can see that for yourself in the first chapter of Matthew, which traces the lineage of Jesus through his mother back to Abraham (Mary’s father’s name was Joseph). Or the third chapter of Luke, which traces the lineage of Jesus through his step-father Joseph all the way back to Adam!
Again, Jesus is speaking of the judgment which comes directly after the terrible times recorded in Revelation:
Matthew 18:28-30 And Jesus said unto them, Verily I say unto you, that you who have followed me, in the regeneration when the Son of man shall sit in the throne of his glory, you also shall sit upon twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. And every one that has forsaken houses, or brothers, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name’s sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life. But many that are first shall be last; and the last shall be first.
This is such an “end game” statement. And it is the end….for this speaks of the final resurrection. The resurrection of the unjust. (Though there are many just people who will be raised, and found just, in this resurrection, it is called the “resurrection of the unjust” because it is the only time the unjust shall be raised and judged).
Notice in the above section of Scripture, Jesus is not requiring his followers to forsake their houses, or their family members. He only requires that the priorities of their lives are set in proper order. He is not diminishing the importance of family, he is enlarging the importance of himself.
Mark 10:28-31 Then Peter began to say unto him, Lo, we have left all and have followed you. And Jesus responded and said, Verily I say unto you, There is no man that has left house, or brothers, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my sake and the gospel’s, But he shall receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses, and brothers, and sisters and mothers and children, and lands, with persecutions; and in the world to come eternal life.
Here Jesus is not speaking of the end times, but of the time right then! Again, he’s not saying his followers need to leave their family, only that they have a more important priority than family…..Jesus the Christ!
And finally, a most powerful statement by Jesus:
Luke 14:26 If any man come to me and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brothers, and sisters, yeah, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.
This word “hate” does not mean an active ill will. Rather, it means to exert no love in the direction of. To put no caring time or effort into someone or some thing. If the Lord of love is your top priority, more important than wife…..or child…..or parent…..or husband……, then family will have to fit into that relationship with Christ, and not the other way around.
Here’s where the buttons that family members can so easily push just disappear in the light of Christ. But as long as family is more important than Christ, those buttons will not only remain, but get more and more sensitive to being pushed!
If and where and when family gets in the way of you walking in the peace of God, in the love of God, in the spirit of God……then family will have to take second seat to Christ. If you desire their spiritual benefit, you simply cannot bring that Godly benefit to them if you are out of fellowship with Christ. If and when and where the choice presents itself, (however it presents itself), between family member or Christ, choose Christ!
Galatians 6:10 As we have therefore opportunity; let us do good unto all, especially unto them who are of the household of faith.
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Other studies that may interest you:
Your Spiritual Home
Dying to Self
Emotions of Sin
