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The quality of our life is determined by where we direct our efforts.
How much time and effort do you spend figuring out ways to get someone to do what you want them to do? Or to get them to stop doing what you don’t want them to do? (all for their own benefit, of course!). Or to have a situation happen exactly as you want it to happen? And what are the results? Stress, conflict, tension, guilt, poor relationships, frustration, anger ….. and worse! And why do you do it? In order to satisfy some need to be in control of the world around you. Because the world is constantly telling you that you need to become a master at controlling others in order to live a full rich meaningful life. What a lie!
Only Christ can give you the peace and harmony you so desire. Come to the place in your life where your peace and satisfaction come from within, in your relationship with God in the spirit of Christ; where your satisfaction is continually flowing out of the love and joy being provided by the presence of Christ.
Let me be clear. If someone else, or something else, has to act a certain way in order for you to be at peace in your life, in order for joy to surround and fill you, then you are the one who is out of control.
Luke 12:15 And he (Jesus) said unto them (his disciples), Take heed, and beware of covetousness; for a man’s life consists not in the abundance of things which he possesses.
When your focus is on a need to control circumstances and/or people in order to have a good life, you will end up wrestling with shadows. Lots of effort, no fruitful results.
TV shows abound with this fruitless effort, because it causes so much drama. If you know someone who has a lot of this “drama” in their life, it’s because they’re so wrapped up in trying to control what they cannot, and ignoring the effort to control what they can.
Nowhere in the Bible are we commanded to control another. Reprove, yes. Instruct, yes. Discipline, yes. But control, no. Why do you think God never commands us to try to control another? I mean, has God ever controlled you? No! And yet we can spend so much time and effort trying to do what God Himself will not do!
(The simple reason why we endeavor to do what God Himself will not do is that we have partaken of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, where we act as God, after deciding how God ought to act! Really, we just want ourselves to feel good)
Philippians 4:11-13 Not that I speak in respect of want; for I have learned in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound; everywhere and in all things I am instructed both (how) to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
The instruction Paul speaks of is spiritual instruction …. from God by the spirit of Christ within. God does not teach us how to control our circumstances or the people around us, He teaches us how to be at peace in the spirit of Christ, no matter what the circumstances!
The “mind of the flesh” (fleshly mind, carnal mind) believes that the flesh can provide spiritual results, and so it tries to control that flesh. Rather, on the contrary, the man who seeks to control anyone outside of himself is a man who is at war with God.
Romans 8:7,8 Because the carnal mind is enmity unto (eis) God; for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be. So then they are in the flesh cannot please God.
Here’s an example you may be familiar with and which I have all too often run across. Sincere Christians, even Pastors of organized churches, seek to control someone close to them, because “what would it look like?” or “What would other people think?” If you’re going to live at peace with God, at peace within yourself, you’re going to have to become more concerned with pleasing God than with pleasing others.
Galatians 1:10 For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I yet (made the effort to) pleased men, I would not be the servant of Christ.
The control we truly seek is only found in being at peace with God, where no thing and no one can knock us off balance.
Romans 12:2 And be not conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
Whereas there is nothing in this world that can give us the peace and fullness we truly seek, those very things are automatically ours as a part of the gift of Christ within.
Ephesians 2:14a For he (Christ) is our peace…..
Ephesians 3:17-19 That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that you being rooted and grounded in love, May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth and length and depth and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passes knowledge, that you might be filled with all the fullness of God.
What is it you really want in life? Do you really want everyone close to you to live the life you think they ought to live, to do the things you think they ought to do? All so that you’ll feel better? Really? Or what is more likely is that you simply want them to be content and fulfilled in their own life. With that in mind, do you really think you can give that contentment to them by seeking to control their behavior? Can you make them have it? If not, then what really are your options?
Philippians 4:6,7 Be anxious for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication (specific requests) with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passes all (fleshly) understanding, shall guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
You be in control of your thoughts and feelings (yes, feelings). Learn that control, practice trusting your spiritual Father to take care of that which you cannot, to carry the load that you cannot; to work in the hearts and lives of those you love like you cannot……and to give you the wisdom to see your inability to control. This is where your real strength and control lies.
II Corinthians 12:19 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then am I strong.
In conclusion, please read this following section from Colossians as being applied to the subject of this study: That you cannot control any other, only the choices you make, the thoughts you think, the feelings you carry around. And understand that the consequences of trying to control what you cannot control will result in many hurtful, destructive feelings and passions and relationships.
Colossians 3:8 But now you also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth. Lie not one to another, seeing that you have put off the old man with his doings (which all try to control others and the world around for personal gain); And have put on the new man, which is renewed in the knowledge (epignosis – intimate relational knowing), according to (the supply of which is) the image of him (God) who created him (Christ); …. Put on therefore as the elect of God holy and beloved bowels (out of which the strong feelings and emotions were thought to flow) of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another and forgiving one another; if any man have a quarrel against any; even as Christ forgave you, so also do you; And above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfectness. And let the peace of God rule (be the arbiter, the decider) in your hearts, to the which also you are called in one body; and be thankful.
You control your relationship with God. Any other control you think you have is but an illusion.
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Other studies:
Vanity of the Mind
What was The Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil?
Get Over Yourself
Emotions of Sin
Dying to Self
